ORIGIN STORIES

These are the players I talk about in my memoirs and online...

THE TEXAN -

We met in spring of 2010. We think. We're not 100% sure (I'm pretty sure). He travels for work. Los Angeles is one of his regular spots. He came into a strip club on Sunset. I walked up to him. Right off the bat he offered money for me to come to his hotel. I told him I didn't do that. He kept upping his donation. I said, "Let's do a VIP." He said he didn't do lap dances but was dead set on having me so he conceded. He conveniently doesn't recall that part but I do.

After feeling confident he was trustworthy, and him hitting a number I could live with, I went to his hotel. We spent five hours getting very fucked up (I wasn't sober to start), fucking, laughing, the whole thing. I've been traveling with him twice a month ever since.

He's an intense piece of work.

THE FLAT-EARTHER -

The Texan's newest side piece (I'm the second wife at this point). She's very young and honestly thinks the world is flat. I've always gotten a kick out of flat-earther's online...never met one in person. She's a conspiracy nut. While I make the best of it and have a fine time with her, she's a lot. And entitled; she's not great with people who are serving her. I had to tell her to say "please" anx "thank you". Last fun tidbit: people ask if she's our daughter....so that's super fun.

THE ALL-NIGHTER -

He reached out via DM to inquire about my services. He was extra polite. So polite, in fact, it took a while to figure out he was talking about hiring me, not someone I knew in the biz. He's been a follower since the beginning. I told him we should delete the DM's and he should email me (stupid bots read all our shit). He deleted his messages right away—which I really appreciated—then emailed me.

I liked his vibe right off the bat. He lives in San Diego. He's eleven years younger than me. We made a donation drink date; even with followers, I need to meet them before we take anything to a hotel.

He said he'd drive up here. I chose a great dive bar with a bunch of cheap motels nearby...I didn't think he should drive after drinking with me. Plus, there was the chance it would go well and we'd want to do more than drink. Speaking of which, he asked "how much" in the best possible way ever! He asked how thick his envelope should be in case we took it to a hotel. The man pays attention! I was super impressed.

Cut forward to three amazingly fun paid dates later: he's no longer a client....but we're still seeing each other. I've never dated/fallen for a trick before. Stay tuned for updates!

Ah, almost forgot to tell you how he earned his moniker...

Our first date: most Ho's assume (or book) an hour or two. After having a blast at the bar, I knew I'd spend a little time with him at the hotel...what I did not expect was staying up all night laughing, fooling around at 6am and catching an Uber at 10:30am. I did expect it the second time around. The man has stamina and a wicked sense of humor.

BLONDIE POP -

We met in Texas at the strip club she worked at. She and a bunch of other girls (and The Texan's associates) went in a limo bus to a football game. He hadn't communicated well with me about her role and I was annoyed. I didn't allow third parties for the first six years. I'm bisexual, it's not that. It's that I'd rather do my job on my own. It was weird with her that night. She didn't know where to go and was intimidated by me. Feeling for her, I told her to come to our room, but she didn't.

Jump to years later when I started sharing the hooker responsibilities...she came to our room to party (and make money), I ended up going down on her for an hour. We're now friends but we don't fool around anymore...she's like a little sister. Her hair is no longer platinum blonde but I still call her that.

DIMPLES -

A friend/work associate of The Texan's. I met him a few years ago. He's handsome. November of last year The Texan and I had a first...we had another dong in the mix. Dimples, a chick from the strip club, Tex and me partied in our suite. Then the four of us took it to the bedroom. I never thought I'd see that happen but the only one I'd want it to would be this guy. We had a blast. The Texan said he was okay with it, but I'm getting the feeling he's not as okay as he says. From the trip we just had, it feels like he's wresting the Madonna/Whore complex with regards to me.

We partied/screwed again a couple weeks later in December. Two nights in a row. We probably pushed it. For the record, I was going with the flow. Tex could have stopped it at any time.

We continue to flirt...and try to fool around.

THE UNICORN -

A client I see once in a while that I met through Instagram, and one of the only tricks I have real orgasms with! He's also the only one currently I allow in my house. He's incredibly sweet. Super respectful. Big dick. Gives amazing head. Fun to be around. Doesn't pester me. Hence his moniker.

SKINNY - * she's since dropped out of the picture after going full crazy on me one night in Phoenix.

She was the chick from the club that first fated night I fucked Dimples. The one I didn't think was his type. Tex says he didn't fuck her that night...which is super unlike him. Granted, being that it was our first time with another dick in the room, nothing was normal. Skinny was nice but unmemorable. I barely remember her talking, although I'm sure she did. She's a party girl, that's for sure. I'm seeing her in a week and change for the second time since November. It sounds like she's gonna be our new girl, but we'll see. I hope she has more personality than I'm recalling. I'm sure she was nervous and overwhelmed that first night. Tex says it was her first group sex and I believe it...she's super young.

THE MILLENNIAL -

One of The Texan's other girls. He has a bunch. I've been queen bee since the night we met. I don't like this chick. I've met her a few times. She's a pain in the ass. An entitled young woman who's a bad whore to boot. Other than having the body of a twelve-year-old boy (which he loves...not young boys but that body type...I was much thinner when I met him), I can't see what he sees in her. She's not fun. She picks fights with him. The list goes on. Did I mention she talks shit about me? She tried to get him to drop me for three years. I've been nothing but supportive of her (even though I clearly don't like her). She moved out of Los Angeles; they keep in touch but don't see each other very often at this point (thank god).

CARGO PANTS -

Was a club regular for over ten years. He also gave me money to have drinks/dinner/go to shows with him. He's a major player in my first memoir. We never did extracurricular activity.

He still emails and texts. I haven't responded. He can't afford to be in my life. When he can, I'll happily have drinks with him.

WINDMILL -

He began as a club regular (when he was in town) and quickly became someone I saw outside of work and built a friendship with. I haven’t seen him in years but we still stay in touch.

TWENTY MINUTE MAN -

Like Cargo Pants, this old client of mine is in my first memoir. I met him at my LA home club† in the mid 2000's. He was one of the first clients I let come to my house. That's one of three. He was a club regular for a while before I agreed to see him outside. He was my longest running off/on client. The Texan is the longest ongoing and I've known Cargo Pants and WAMU (Bay Area customer from the 90's) the longest.

I'd often work a shift at the club then drive to Redondo Beach (opposite direction of where I lived) for a late night quickie with Twenty Minute Man. His moniker derives from the fact that from door to door it was 20 minutes. Which is a dream for a whore. The only thing that made it challenging during the last few years I saw him was he wanted anal and he has a monster dick. Had the man not cum within minutes, I never would have agreed.

When I started seeing Baby Bird, I had enough money that it felt unnecessary to see Twenty Minute Man for painful anal at 11am. Did I mention our sessions moved to lunch sex? I have his number if I ever get hard up for cash. That's the other thing...he hit hard times a few years back so I gave him a break on the cost.

BEEMER -

We met at the Bare Elegance (my old main strip club in Inglewood). After spending a fun night in the Sky Box (the club's priciest private dance), we exchanged info after discussing my private fee. He was a regular client for a few years. He's out of the picture now. Unmarried and very needy emotionally. And OBSESSED with me faking orgasms. Obnoxiously so. Not a bad person, he often had a difficult time excepting his role in our arrangement.

BABY BIRD -

Was a client of mine for four years, but has sadly passed. He had a very specific kink: he wanted me to give him head, store saliva in my mouth and spit it into his. Over and over again. Not a violent spit, more like a transfer. It was a first for me, but it was a fairly easy hour, no emotional shit and he was generous. I was super bummed when I found out he had died.

CRAZY TOWN -

I hadn't added her until now because I wasn't sure she was going to last (but she has). She's been the only one on the regular travel list. Also, I didn't have a nickname for her...I like the one Tex and I call her but it's in reference to her heritage. And while there's a million women in the sex industry from that same country, it feels too close to home. ANYWAY. She's crazy. Hence the moniker. Super jealous. Picks fights with him all the time. VERY dramatic. Talks a lot of shit about me (we've never met but she's a spoiled princess and can't stand the fact that I'm number one).

He keeps saying he's done with her but I'll believe it when I see it.

SUCKERFISH - *she has dropped out of the picture...saying only she couldn't see us again and then promptly blocked our phone numbers. i wish her nothing but the best!

Is new to the scene. We met her last August at a strip club. She was a new dancer. The Texan was recruiting...he's always recruiting. I said sure. I kind of don't give a fuck anymore. She was nice. A bunch of us went to sushi and she came back to the hotel with us. She said the only reason she was going was because I was there. It made her feel safe. She'd never done extras or anything like that. We've seen her a few times and she recently got on the travel roster. I call her Suckerfish because she could not get enough of my vagina that first night. She's only been with a few men in her life. She was married to a woman once. I like her a lot.

COOKIE -

A man I met via Instagram who paid for sex once. We had paid drinks prior to our sex date. He's a cool dude. He likes to bake cookies. We had a blast but he's used to paying less for ho's. We keep in touch. I hope I get to party with him again sometime.

† dancers tend to work at numerous clubs, but often have one they consider home base)

* I can't think of anyone else at the moment. If I do, I'll add them. xo