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Maybe you guys can help me understand something. Why, motherfucking why do slow drivers drive in the fast lane?? I have a ton of pet peeves this is at the top of the list.

This shit didn’t happen in the early 80’s. If someone was on your ass, you got the fuck over. No big whoop. And you certainly did not park your sixty-mile per hour ass in the left lane and make everyone pass on the right. These days though, slow motherfuckers get on the freeway and immediately sloth all the way over to the left as if a magnet is pulling them, no matter how slow they intend to drive. And they stay there and fucking daydream. It’s a goddamn menace, not to mention, dangerous.

What is this? Is it simple American entitlement? Back in the day when a rare person pulled a power move such as this, I’d flash my brights at them and they’d eventually get over. These days, you know what happens if you flash your high beams? You get pulled over! Because the flasher is being aggressive. No matter that the jackhole is in the fast lane going two miles per hour under the limit, and the rest of us are bobbing and weaving like race car drivers...which is fun, but precarious.

So. Again, I ask, why? Please, I need to understand the mindset of this asshole. I drive fast (clearly), but if I’m in the far left lane doing a hundred and someone is coming up on me (because I check my fucking mirrors often and can tell when a person is gaining on me), I get over. No hard feelings. No sweat off my back. I get over. It takes almost no energy. I can get right back if I need to. My cat is smart enough to do this. But no, these days—I’m speaking of my experience in California, if it’s better anywhere else, I envy you—it’s like a game of Frogger.

And for the love of string cheese, use your turn signals! I drove for a month in Italy in the 90’s and it was heaven. This selfish behavior would never be tolerated over there.

If you are one of these lazy drivers, I beseech you to stop your treacherous ways. You may curse us who are driving fast on the right and cutting through traffic, but guess what? We are forced to do that because of your entitled, passive, zero awareness of others, ways. So I ask it worth it to cause accidents? Even if you are slightly passing folks, get over if someone is on your ass and you have plenty of room in front of you. There’s no ego involved, it’s fucking common sense. I know is tough for Americans to grasp: no ego. But, for realsies, stop driving like a jerk. You must know you are forcing us to pass through lots of traffic in order to drive faster than you. You see that, right? Or is it just beach-scented freshener and Yanni inside your car? Can you not deal with traffic on both sides of you? Why is this happening? Why aren’t cops pulling these fucks over? Or at least telling them to move over on their megaphone?

Are people so tired of being pushed around in life that the left lane is their only “fuck you” left? Do you feel good about yourself? Proud that you are creating a very dangerous situation? In closing, and I’m guessing the drivers that do this don’t give a fuck, and would tell me to slow down, but know this, you are causing accidents. Plain and simple. Use your turn signal and just get the fuck over. It’s not a big deal. And if you’re all on smack, please share.


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