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Superheroes: Superman

Superheroes: Superman

Next dude. Tattoo artist. Super tall. I actually met him at work. Which is unlike me. But he’s crazy hot and we had a steamy lap dance. I gave him my number. We had some decent sext exchanges. I was looking forward to living them out. Much like with Thor (they’re the same age: thirty-two), he made me wait. Ugh. Why? So annoying. And I don’t mean, making out and dry humping wait, I mean, break our plans at the last minute. So rude! I’m offering up easy sex, dude, take it. I still wanted him, so I didn’t write it off. Yet. Since I just want to screw him, it didn’t matter how mature or immature he is, but Jesus, I do want a man with some cojones!

We made another date. I was gonna come to his place after an art show of mine around nine-ish. He text me during the show and asked if we could make it later, sure buddy. I got another cocktail, and then I left. I went to my favorite bar in Santa Monica, Chez Jay. He lives in Venice, so I knew it would take me less than ten minutes to get there.

He text me again around 10:30 p.m. and said to come over. I hopped in my GTI and hightailed it to his joint. He was just getting out of the shower. Fucker made me wait outside his building. Come on! He finally buzzed me in. I found his apartment on the second level. He was standing outside waiting—he was pretty drunk. I guess he was nervous.

His one-bedroom apartment was perfect. I absolutely love fucking men is their very boyish living quarters. He had a great squishy brown sectional couch, horror movie posters and like five hundred DVD’s. We drank Jameson and he told me to pick out a flick. I choose The Good, the Bad and the Ugly because a) I love it and b) the soundtrack would make for amazing background music to our hook up. And I was right. We laughed and drank and flirted. We kissed. Yum, he was a good kisser. And had a good strong hold. The guy is like 6’5! He gave me a shoulder massage with the best smelling lotion. I was in heaven. We wrestled. Talked about cinematography. Dry humped. It was awesome. Everything I wanted it to be.

When the movie ended, I pulled down my pants and we took it to his bedroom. Two hours later, he set his alarm and said I should sleep over. I wasn’t crazy about the idea (he dwarfed his queen size bed) but we had been slugging whiskey, plus what I drank earlier and all the fucking, I was exhausted. So I passed out.

I woke up with him snoring and the sunlight threatening to burn a hole in my skin. It was time to go home. I got dressed, kissed him and made my walk of pride. And then sat in bumper to bumper traffic the entire way home.

I tried to be cute and see him again. Why not, we had had a good time. I thought. Who wouldn’t want more? But he was super busy. I’m busy. We couldn’t get our schedules to align. Geez. I don’t remember getting laid being so difficult. Finally, we made another date. Sunday night after his bowling league. I was set to see Chase that afternoon. I was excited and shaved. I text him while her and I were out.

“Hey Viking, what time you wanna hook up tonight?”

No response. No matter. There was time. I’m sure he remembered. 6 p.m. rolls around, nothing. 7 p.m., 8pm, nothing. Really?! He texts me at 9 p.m. saying some bullshit about how he can’t tonight. I was beyond annoyed. I wouldn’t have shaved had I known he was gonna fake. So much for Superman. He had officially taken himself off my list. Too bad.

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