THE ALMIGHTY DICK PIC

Ah, the dick pic: the modern equivalent of flashing. What can I say that hasn’t been said before? They’ve been hotly debated for some years now; pretty much since the invention of the camera phone. A gentleman said today that he’s not even sure what it is about it, why it’s such a turn on just to know that a woman is looking at it. I think most men are hoping/fantasizing that the woman on the receiving end is aroused, but come on, how often is that the case? Even a pervert like myself is only turned on by maybe one in twenty. I guess those odds are enough. Or maybe some men are hoping to shock the ladies. They do it simply because they can. I receive some pretty trippy dick pics via my Instagram. A couple weeks ago a man sent an out of focus photo of his slimy penis (very close and not all in the frame) and a black and white meme of a little girl pointing that said, “You are special, yes YOU”. How fucking bizarre and creepy is that? What went through his mind when choosing that particular meme to accompany his cock?

We know men are generally more visually stimulated creatures, so it’s as if they’re sending dick pics to themselves. Does that make sense? The idea of a stranger looking at their cock gets them hot...when the chances are damn good that’s not what’s happening on the other end. They’re getting worked up over their own photos. Look, I’ll admit, I’ve gotten a little turned on by looking at photos of my pussy—but I took the photo to send to a man who I knew would jack off to it. It was a guaranteed reaction. So while I can see where the whole act and idea is stimulating for a dude, it seems like too big of a gamble to send to a stranger. A lot of these social media accounts aren’t private, so you send me your cock and then I click to see photos of your kids and what you guys had for dinner yesterday. It’s endlessly amusing to me, but I have an open-mind and a twisted sense of humor. I’ve seen women bash men about dick pics on social media—including posting their profiles. Although it strikes me as harsh, I know where they’re coming from. It’s alarming to receive an unsolicited, graphic macro of a man’s penis. Men should get clearance before sending a photo of their junk—or know their audience, such as myself and some other rather randy ladies I know. But men continue to do so, regardless. This is where the flashing part comes to play. Because when you really think about it, it is disrespectful. It’s something we consider private. Most women aren’t asking strangers for pictures of their dicks (or even men they know).

When I think about the men who do it regardless, the act strikes me as a little compulsory, as if they can’t help themselves—primates with a camera phone. “Look what I’ve got”. They have these things that get hard daily and now there’s a way to share them with the world (whether the world wants them or not): new era peacocking. Unfortunately, dick pics aren’t furthering the human race (procreation wise), its mostly just pissing women off. It’s an odd millennial phenomenon, and I wonder if it will ever fade out? Will men get tired of sending pictures of their dicks to women? They should definitely be more careful who they send them to, in addition to getting the all clear.

Personally, I prefer videos: the cumshot. Just a photo of an unknown cock—no chemical connection—is sometimes like looking at cucumber. Whereas a really good cumshot has a better chance of waking something up in my bathing suit area...but even then, I’m picky. If the guy holds his phone too close, it’s like watching Sci-fi or a nature show: and it’s way too much information. I’d say the best is on your back with the camera at your face looking down, or from the side. Standing and shot from above is OK, but you don’t get to see as much. When men send me these standing ones of them coming into the sink or whatever, I’m thinking, “who else uses that sink?” Velocity and thrust and consistency of the goop matter too. Having said that about the cumshot, I’m not a big fan of still photos with jizz. This is where it gets tricky. Precum is sexy, but gooey, coagulated jizz in a photo makes my stomach turn. And don’t get me started on the flaccid penis dick pic. Yep, this happens. Why men do it is a mystery to me. Is it a challenge? If I know the man and we’re sexting and he sends me half a chub, that’s one thing, that’s kind of hot, but a total stranger sending me his two inch softy? A soft penis in a photo is a wah wah. Most men who send dick pics have something decent to show (or so they think), but then there’s the guys who send me pictures of their tiny cocks and ask me what I think. Not one to be mean, especially since we can’t control what we’ve born with, but almost everyone knows I prefer beer cans. Perhaps they’re hoping to get berated, in which case, they better send money via PayPal.

And lastly, there’s the gay-adjacent photos: although I like holding onto a man’s ass while we fuck, looking at one does absolutely zilch for me. I’m equally confused by the ball choke, or gonad undercarriage. I suppose if I were hardcore into testicles, it would do something for me, but how many women are drooling over balls? I don’t know a single one. Actually, one of my friends is sort of a fan, but I don’t think a photo of a stranger’s nuts would send her running to get her Hitachi. Again, know your audience.