SUPERHEROS: SUPERMAN

Tattoo artist. Super tall. Handsome. I met him at the club. I was newly single, and we had amazing chemistry, so I gave him my number. We had a few good (s)ext exchanges. I was looking forward to living them out. But he kept breaking our plans at the last minute. I’m offering up easy sex, dude, take it. I still wanted him, so I didn’t write it off just yet. Since I only wanted sex, his personality and maturity level didn’t really matter, but jesus, I do want a man with some cojones!

We made another date. I was going to meet him after my photo exhibition in photoLA. He was running late, so I went to my favorite bar in Santa Monica, Chez Jay. He text me at 10:30 p.m. and said to come over. I hightailed it to Superman’s house. He was just getting out of the shower when I text him to say that I was there. He made me wait outside his building. Really, dude? He finally buzzed me in, and I see him standing on the second level just outside of his apartment. It was clear within three feet that he was pretty drunk. I think he was nervous. His apartment was perfect. I love fucking men is their boyish living quarters. He had a big brown sectional couch, horror movie posters and like five hundred DVD’s. He told me to pick a flick. I choose The Good, the Bad & the Ugly because a) it's a fantastic film and b) the soundtrack would make for great background music.

And it did. We laughed, drank Jameson, flirted, and kissed. He was a really good kisser. The guy is 6’5 with a matching wingspan. Hence the nickname. He made me feel small. Heaven! Halfway through the film he gave me a shoulder massage with the best smelling lotion. We wrestled. Talked about cinematography. And made out like teenagers. Deep, gorgeous kisses. It was everything I wanted it to be. When the movie ended, I pulled down my pants and we took it to his bedroom. Two hours later, he set his alarm, and said I should sleep over. I wasn’t crazy about the idea (he dwarfed his queen size bed and I like sleeping alone), but it was late, we had been slugging whiskey (plus what I had drunk earlier), and with all the fucking, I was exhausted. So I passed out. I woke up crazy early with him snoring like a jackhammer and the sun threatening to burn a hole in my skin. I put the pillow over my aching head. When I woke up again, his head was on the pillow. On top of mine. Still snoring. Time to go home. I got dressed, kissed him and made my walk of pride. And then sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic the entire way home.

I tried to be cute and see him again. Why not, we had had a good time. I thought. Who wouldn’t want more? But he was super busy. I’m busy too, but come on. We couldn’t get our schedules to align. Geez. I don’t remember getting laid being so difficult. Finally we settled on a night that worked for both of us. A Sunday night after his bowling league. I was set to see Chase that afternoon. I was excited and shaved. I text him while her and I were out.

“Hey Viking, what time you wanna hook up tonight?”

No response. No matter. There was time. I’m sure he remembered. Then 6 p.m. rolls around, nothing. 7 p.m., 8 p.m., nothing. Really?! He finally texts me at 9 p.m. saying some bullshit about how he can’t tonight. I was uber annoyed. I wouldn’t have shaved had I known. So much for Superman. He had officially taken himself off my list. Too bad.

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