SAD SACKS

The saddest bachelor party ever is currently taking place. It’s just three guys and they’ve been here for at least two hours and haven’t spent a dime—perhaps eight bucks and that was only because I jokingly forced them to tip me on stage earlier. Since then they have only given certain girls a single dollar on stage. One dollar for the three of them! On top of this, they are quiet as church mice and look sort of tortured. I don’t get it. All the girls (including myself) were nice and flirty with them when they arrived, so I know it’s not us. We have a bevy of beauties tonight and even if one isn’t exactly the bachelor’s type, at least choose the closest and have a little fun in the back. Or perhaps they should go to Applebee’s, get some ribs.

[Twelve minutes later]

They just left. Not one dance. Fuck it, I’d rather have empty seats.

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